Have been reading a fascinating book by Sue Gerhardt, 'Why love matters'. Gerhardt is a psychotherapist who has been doing much work with babies and their mothers, and in this book collects much current research on babies and the effect of love, or otherwise, on their development. Not only does love make babies feel all warm inside, but it also directly affects their brain development, and the size of different parts of their brain, so they can deal better with stress throughout their lives. The window of opportunity for building an emotionally stable child/adult is past by the age of 2.
Gerhardt calls it 'regulating' when parents, usually mothers, help babies understand how they feel, are responsive to their needs, and provide whatever support the baby needs. It's not just that children need to be with their mothers (or other
permanent carer), but that this carer also responds adequately to the
child's needs. If the baby is thus made to feel secure, as a child and adult he or she can deal with most things life throws at them. If, however, infancy involves stress - no-one alleviates hunger, thirst, boredom, or worse, or the baby is left to cry because 'it's good for the lungs', or 'time there was some discipline', this leads to a permanently raised cortisol level, which inhibits the growth of parts of the brain, and later in life can cause people to explode at seemingly trivial matters. Nowadays all these things can be explained and proven by imagining techniques, which is a huge advantage on guesswork, and even on John Bowlby's attachment theory - effectively, it now even more scientifically confirms his research findings on children, who had attachment problems with their mothers.
She describes some of the (often adult) consequences of poor baby-regulating, for example:
The solution? She suggests psychotherapy (she is one). But really, given the time that takes, and the very limited availability and funding, is anyone but a rich family or individual able to indulge in this? Poor families, especially in the UK, have no chance - they are just given ritalin for their lively children (the level of prescription in Scotland has risen nine-fold in 7 years,with 6% of children treated with this (a third of the rate of the US!). Seems to give a message - don't bother parenting, give the kid a pill. Horrifying!
The book is really quite technical, and not necessarily one that harassed new mothers can read easily. But it is a fantastic resource and a severe warning, that nothing is good enough for your baby.
Gerhardt calls it 'regulating' when parents, usually mothers, help babies understand how they feel, are responsive to their needs, and provide whatever support the baby needs. It's not just that children need to be with their mothers (or other
permanent carer), but that this carer also responds adequately to the
child's needs. If the baby is thus made to feel secure, as a child and adult he or she can deal with most things life throws at them. If, however, infancy involves stress - no-one alleviates hunger, thirst, boredom, or worse, or the baby is left to cry because 'it's good for the lungs', or 'time there was some discipline', this leads to a permanently raised cortisol level, which inhibits the growth of parts of the brain, and later in life can cause people to explode at seemingly trivial matters. Nowadays all these things can be explained and proven by imagining techniques, which is a huge advantage on guesswork, and even on John Bowlby's attachment theory - effectively, it now even more scientifically confirms his research findings on children, who had attachment problems with their mothers.
She describes some of the (often adult) consequences of poor baby-regulating, for example:
- some babies may feel that they are not allowed to have feelings that their parent might not like, and thus have a level of unfulfilled need that even in adulthood can lead to a high level of dependency, and an inability to realise their own feelings in interactions with others, by trying to be too nice or too strong.
- babies who are not well-regulated grow into the thugs of tomorrow; Gerhardt suggests that already by the age of 2 the absence of positive affection can lead to later problems, especially if combined with a harsh parenting style. My experience of working with poor families, and with children in primary schools confirms this view - by 4 (school age in Scotland) it was already clear which children had more problems.
- poor parenting is passed on, not through genes, but because the parents themselves have not been well treated. Thus you get trouble-some families of the kind you see on 'Supernanny' every week.
The solution? She suggests psychotherapy (she is one). But really, given the time that takes, and the very limited availability and funding, is anyone but a rich family or individual able to indulge in this? Poor families, especially in the UK, have no chance - they are just given ritalin for their lively children (the level of prescription in Scotland has risen nine-fold in 7 years,with 6% of children treated with this (a third of the rate of the US!). Seems to give a message - don't bother parenting, give the kid a pill. Horrifying!
The book is really quite technical, and not necessarily one that harassed new mothers can read easily. But it is a fantastic resource and a severe warning, that nothing is good enough for your baby.
