New Body!

Looking back, when at the start I gave this blog a name mimicking a feminist health manual, it should have got the prize for the most ironic title of the year.

Recently I discovered that my body and my self are in fact two very disparate items - my body is female, and now I know that my self is male! Now I am working on my body being united with my self.

In some way I probably always knew that, but somehow I had never drawn the relevant conclusions. Looking back (again!) I can see now that my life is just about the classic case of a transsexual.

For complicated family reasons which I won't go into, in childhood I had always tried to be 'a good little girl'; but also always rebelled in a quiet little way. Always played with boys, loved boys' toys, dressed like a boy where I could, could not deal with it when at the age of around 10 my girlfriends began to find boys interesting; growing up into a woman's body was a catastrophe.....I almost failed at school only just scraping through the final exams - but once I left home suddenly education became interesting and satisfying, with the result that in whatever I have studied I have been doing pretty damn well at, regardless whether it was social sciences, systems analysis and statistics, or music.

I nearly always had short hair; even when I had long hair people would take me for a guy; my clothes, while made for women, mostly were unisex and I was often taken for a guy. Particularly in places where I work, like the southern former Soviet Union and Central Asia, where women are feminine and I am not, it was always hard to use female public toilets (I don't do that any more!). And there are other aspects....

Happiness has been kind of a rare companion - I was very happy when my son was born (maybe my body was ok after all?), but thankfully he was a son and not a daughter. I don't know what I would have done had I produced a girl that likes pink! Ye gads! Instead I could now play with the toys that I had never had as a child - the railway track, the race track, and so on.

In the last few years my problem with anger management became more pronounced, and finally I went to get help. It took quite a few sessions with the therapist to find this 'transsexualism' problem - so deeply was it buried! And gee, it was scary at first! How could possibly I live and work(!) as a guy in conservative Eastern Europe?

But I thought I would try it out; first by wearing guy's clothes, and since August presenting as a guy. Luckily I am surrounded mostly by educated people who are all very supportive (you really know who your friends are in a situation like this). Of course there are also some prats but that's life. It's the problem of their little minds, not mine.

And now I hope to start the medical treatment soon - that will be fantastic. It's great to be a guy!