Children are resilient?

Story on the Beeb today reports that US research has shown that children of anxious or depressed parents are more often sick. British consultants pooh-pooh the idea saying that 'children are highly resilient' and parents are not to worry.

Not convinced about that. Own experiences and some research I have done (the research admittedly being at the extreme end of child welfare problems) suggest that children are extremely sensitive to their parents' condition. Do they really think that stressed or depressed parents can hide their feelings so well that they can act relaxed with the children and that those don't notice? I don't think so - it must be even worse if children have never experienced their parents happy and relaxed.

Psychiatrists working with mothers with post-natal depression certainly worry about this enough because it can really interfere with the bonding of children and mothers. And, as we know, (as I know), bonding problems, and even more changes in carers in children's lives, especially in the first years, can interfere very significantly not only with their emotional development, but can also effectly wreck their future level of educational achievement (an infant who lacks proper attachment does not develop a certain part of his or her brain). Imagine, for example, children who are constantly moved around, from (often disturbed) parent to foster placement, back to parent, to another foster placement and so on. They haven't got a chance! (I will climb off my high horse now). There's a whole school of research into this, in connection with attachment theory and reactive attachment disorder. Google them.

People always say that children are resilient, particularly as they divorce - it makes the parents feel better, I guess. But the hidden damage in the children? Losing a parent is traumatic enough, and living with the remaining parent who may be anxious or depressed - and worrying about losing this parent, too - is far from easy for children.